Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
