we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Randomize
