Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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