Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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