i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We were destined to go to rehab together
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Randomize
