I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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