Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Randomize