My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
