You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
