I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
