peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
