Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
just come out here and I will go home with you...
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
