Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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