its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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