if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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