It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
