You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
