I can tuck mytits in my pants
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize