My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
