I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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