4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
