rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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