This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize