so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
