Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
