The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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