sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
