Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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