you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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