whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
