I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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