WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
time to smoke my breakfast
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
