You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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