Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
