Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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