Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
