super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
