When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
