in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
