Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
