it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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