I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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