im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
