i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
