Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize