It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize