tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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