garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
