Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
