Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
