You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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