Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize