Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
