i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
