some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
