Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize