I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
