If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
