I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
the condom got lost in my hair
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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