Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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