Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
