Just fell off a train. Bad.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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