I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
