Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
