I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
