so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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