dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
