I wanna bring you to show and tell
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
