Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize