Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
