Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
