im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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