"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
