You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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