We named our party play list daddy issues
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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