Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
