my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
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