I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There's always time for handjobs
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize