Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Randomize
