When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
