you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize