i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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