My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
