Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
