dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
