I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
