she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
