At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
