I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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